Alone
by Z-clam
Summary: THIS IS FEMSLASH. Be warned. Unrequited MarissaSummer. Written a while ago. Takes place after The Truth. After Ryan's dismissal, Marissa falls apart and falls for Summer.


A/N: This was written a long time ago, and was my first attempt at fanfiction. I know it's not great, but I wanted to share it anyway, so here it is. Takes place between "The Truth" (Episode 18, 2/11/04) and "The Heartbreak" (Episode 19, 2/18/04). If a girl having a crush on another girl upsets you, please leave now and don't waste your time or mine.

Nine o'clock. Summer's sitting by the phone, waiting. She could be out, doing something. But she has to be here, in case Marissa calls. In case things don't go well. She could be having fun, but she has to be a good friend, in case Marissa falls apart.

The phone rings. Finally. She's _only_ been sitting here for half an hour!

"Hello?"

"Summer?"

"Hey, Coop, what's up?" As if she doesn't know.

"It didn't go so well."

"Duh! What happened?"

"He doesn't want me anymore," and she bursts out in tears.

"Where are you?"

"On my way to your house."

"Let's go out tonight, Coop," Summer suggests. "Get our minds off of things."

"Okay. Be there in five minutes."

For as long as she can remember, Marissa has had a crush on Summer. She's just so beautiful... that black hair, and those eyes that penetrate your soul... not to mention those lips...

"Stop it," she tells herself through the tears. "Ryan didn't want you and Summer won't either. Just stop thinking. So I'm alone. I like being alone." But she can't convince herself.

Not that she'd ever tell Summer how she feels. Are you kidding? Summer would freak. And it's not worth losing the best friend she's ever had over.

She tries to reconcile herself to being alone, but she's the kind of girl who always has _someone_. Her mind just doesn't fit around the idea that maybe it's okay to be alone, for once. So she accepts Summer's offer to go out. They'll go to a bar, drink away their pain. She knows she shouldn't, after everything that's already happened, but right now, she doesn't care. The silent tears blur her vision, but she drives steadily, knowing the way to Summer's house like the back of her hand.

"Hey! Let's go!" There she is, looking stunning in her new dress, a dress Marissa helped her pick out. The last thing she needs right now is to go out with her totally hot best friend and watch said best friend flirting with every guy in sight, but that's Summer's way of coping, and Marissa won't deny her that. Especially after everything that's happened with Seth.

"We need better taste in guys," Marissa comments as Summer slides into the passenger seat.

Summer laughs. "No kidding, Coop."

"So where are we going, anyway?"

"Let's go dancing. There's a new bar a few minutes away." Summer likes to dance. Marissa prefers to be alone with her drink.

"Do you know where it is?"

"Yeah, I drove by it the other day on the way to the mall."

"You'll have to direct me, then."

"No prob."

And then they're there, and Summer's sliding easily out of the SUV, and Marissa just feels lost. Lost inside herself.

"Come on! Let's go have fun!" Summer exclaims, breaking her stupor. Right. That's why they're here. To have fun.

She gets out of the car and follows her best friend inside.

Marissa can't help feeling jealous as she watches the guys watching Summer. She's always had that certain appeal that drives guys wild, and Marissa could never stand it. Maybe because it drives her wild, too.

She orders another beer. It's not hard, faking this bartender out. He obviously thinks she's hot, anyway. And older than she is. And, of course, the fake ID doesn't hurt.

The music changes and Summer saunters back over to her.

"Hey, give me one of those." The bartender barely looks her over, just wordlessly hands her the beer. She sits down next to Marissa, whose head is already spinning. "Hey," she says again, to the other girl this time. "Come on... don't you want to have fun?"

"Sure," a semi-drunk Marissa replies.

"So why aren't you dancing?"

"I don't feel like dancing."

"If you say so, Coop." Summer is dubious.

"You're so pretty," Marissa tells her.

Summer looks at her. _Really_ looks at her.

"Coop? Are you drunk?"

"No," she giggles.

"Yes, you are," Summer tells her, taking the beer away. "No more."

Marissa glances over at her best friend longingly. Before Summer knows what's happening, the other girl's mouth is on hers, and she cannot breathe. She pushes Marissa away.

"Coop! What are you _doing_?"

"I... I just..." Marissa stutters.

"We're leaving," Summer says, dragging Marissa behind her. She drives, dropping Marissa and the car off at her mom's house and running next door. Maybe Seth's parents can give her a ride home.

The girls are silent the whole way back to Newport Beach. After Summer drops her off, Marissa stumbles across her yard, more alone than she's ever been. Her mother comes to the door.

"Marissa? What are you doing here?"

"Can I spend the night?" she sobs.

"Of course, honey." The door opens and Julie steps back. That night, Marissa cries on her mother's shoulder for the first time in twelve years.


End file.
